It begins like almost every stand-up comedy act ever. A neurotic, skittish performer stands on a bare stage with a microphone dropping punchlines like confetti. But then Feeling Afraid As If Something Terrible Is Going To Happen begins to unravel, and the audience realises they’re watching a tightly-wound dramatic monologue with a twist.
“I love how it subverts where you think a stand-up comedy set might go, but it’s actually a play,” says actor Samuel Barnett, who is perhaps best known for starring in the play and film adaptation of The History Boys. “I’ve had so many people think I’m a stand-up comedian, or an actor who’s become a comic, but it’s not my life. But it was written for me, so I do fit very well into it.”
Playwright Marcelo Dos Santos is a friend of Barnett’s who wrote the script when they were both off work during the March 2020 lockdown. The story of an unnamed comic who finally meets his true love – then does everything he can to destroy the relationship – premiered at Edinburgh Festival in 2022, with a second run in London in 2023. In January and February, it travels to Melbourne and Sydney as part of the Midsumma and Mardi Gras festivals.
“Some of [the script] was an education for me,” says Barnett, who was born in a small village in North Yorkshire, England. “I was very sheltered growing up. There was no dating, there wasn’t a gay pub … But what is my experience is the emotional stuff my character goes through. I fully understand shame, neurosis, self-sabotage, anxiety. And I get that [idea] of meeting the right person and thinking it’s too good to be true.”
Feeling Afraid was produced by Francesca Moody, who championed crossover hits Fleabag and Baby Reindeer. There’s a similar DNA in this performance, which cleverly walks the line between comedy and tragedy. “We filmed a 20-minute section to attract some producers and when we got Francesca I was like: thank god,” Barnett tells Broadsheet. “There is something really vulnerable-making about doing a solo show and she’s so supportive and hands on … she’s got a track record of making it happen and her taste is good.”
The script doesn’t hold back in its bleak depiction of contemporary gay dating life, from threesomes to casual hook-ups and subsequent therapy sessions. “Some of the stuff [my character] has to talk about makes me blush, even now. I’m not a prude, but I have to say this stuff out loud and look people in the eye.”
There’s one line that still makes Barnett cringe. “Tories are my weakness,” Barnett recites. “I may not have kissed one but I have eaten cum out of their jockstrap. Every time I [blush] because there’s guaranteed to be a portion of the audience who [will be shocked].”
Despite the niche subject matter, the play offers broad appeal. “It’s about a very specific person – he’s gay, he’s a stand-up comedian, he’s on all the dating apps – and you think that might be quite specific to a certain section of society but actually the entire thing is universal,” says Barnett. “You’re not going to come in and leave feeling depressed. There’s a real laugh count.”
Barnett describes the audience as the show’s second character. “I really need them … in some plays it doesn’t matter if the audience is there or not, the play carries itself. But this one is such an interaction with the audience. So that affects how the jokes land. Some nights the play is way darker than others, and other nights it’s way funnier. It depends what the audience is up for.”
I ask if he ever gets lost halfway through the monologue, the entire show resting on his shoulders. He says the story is in his bones, and he doesn’t worry about missing a beat or a line. “It’s such a beast and it’s so quickfire, but it’s like muscle memory now.”
Barnett has never been to Melbourne, but his uncle and aunt, John and Jenny Barnett, lived outside the city, and sadly died in the Black Saturday bushfires. “They were at their place in Steels Creek in 2009 when the fires went through,” he says. “So I feel like I have a spiritual connection over there. I can’t wait to arrive.”
Feeling Afraid As If Something Terrible Is Going To Happen is coming to Arts Centre Melbourne from January 14 to February 1 and to the Sydney Opera House from February 5 to 23.