I spend about 11 months of the year thinking about my birthday party. It’s ridiculous, but it’s the hand I’ve been dealt: being a Leo with a sick addiction to hosting. This year, the vision I landed on was The Big Squish: a dinner party with 14 friends in my one-bedder apartment. Impossible? Quite the opposite. Just look at the micro-venues around town we cram ourselves into.

Admittedly, 15 excitable people for a sit-down lunch in a small home is a different kind of chaos, so buckle up, find a large esky, and follow along.

Extend your kitchen

Most places have four burners (some only have two!) and an oven, but for big-hosting times like this, extending your kitchen is a must. Think like Baba’s Place (with its Carriageworks Market stall) and fire up outside. I use my Gozney as an outdoor oven to roast spuds while the lasagne's cooking in the oven inside. Not equipped? Borrow mum’s slow cooker, steal your uncle’s hibachi, and buy yourself some extra silver bowls and a mandolin. Trust me, you’ll need them too.

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Prep, prep, prep

Small’s Deli is proof that excellent things do come from tiny places. It is also proof that prep pays off. “It’s so essential in a small space to have all your prep in order,” shares Ben Shemesh, owner of the Potts Point sandwich shop. “It’s the difference between waiting 10 and 30 minutes for your lunch.” (Which, in chaotic-lunch-party terms, translates to eating lunch at 2pm or 7pm.)

But there are also a few things that should wait. “We never pre-cut bread or pre-slice an apple,” Shemesh adds, “because nothing beats a freshly sliced Granny Smith.” The same goes at home: prep the lettuce and make the dressing, but don’t go tossing your salad till you’re about to sit down.

Out of bounds

The only off-limits place for your guests is the fridge (and that single ice tray in your freezer). There will never be enough space for all the drinks, and the fewer bodies in a small kitchen, the better. Your solution comes in the form of a large esky (or plastic storage box or bathtub) and three bags of ice – two to keep the drinks cool and one to make cocktails if that’s on the agenda (go with a pack of glassy Bare Bones cubes if you’re feeling fancy).

You can also go à la 10 William Street with a chic wine bucket like the one perched on their bar. Pure class.

The menu

For my birthday, I made a lot of lasagne. This is a winner cos you make it the day before then just pop it in the oven an hour before you want to eat. Roast some spuds and toss together a huge salad, and you’re simply sorted.

If cooking for this many people stresses you out, you can always lean on the ones who know best. Take the team at The Apollo. They know how to help you through a party with all their top hits available for takeaway and a finish-at-home option if you email them in advance. Bliss.

The escape plan

Find somewhere reliable, close by and not too fussy to lure everyone out. For me, it’s always The Old Fitz. Suggest it at the right time (before your neighbours start banging on the walls) and kick everyone out swiftly – your stragglers released into the wild, and you off to bed when you’re ready.

The golden rule – above all else – is that if you don’t have a dishwasher, you are the dish-washer. So make sure you invite a friend who loves being the dishy too (there’s always one).

Gemma Plunkett is a Sydney-based dinner party tragic. She works as a food writer, recipe developer and content strategist. Find her (but mostly food) in pictures or fortnightly in your inbox via her free newsletter Ding!