Beloved antipodean band Crowded House today announced it will relocate its shows to the Opera House’s Wilson car park. All four of its Sydney Opera House forecourt performances sold out in hours.

“We’re thrilled that Crowded House have decided to return to the Opera House 20 years after their landmark farewell show,” says head of contemporary music at Sydney Opera House, Ben Marshall. “But we also have to acknowledge that times have changed and that the traditional owners of this land – the residents of The Toaster building – are well within their rights to complain about outdoor concerts, as they have done so vocally over the past week.”

“We’re very grateful that Wilson have donated their incredible acoustic space 15 feet underground for Crowded House to softly rock out in without disturbing the peace.”

Sydney Opera House management has assured ticket holders the concrete surfaces of the car park will offer best-in-class sound quality, without any of the noise restrictions that have plagued previous Forecourt concerts by Tame Impala and Chet Faker.

“We can’t wait to get back to our roots and kick out the jams in a garage. And what a garage! Sydney always knew how to treat us like kings. It’s why we love to play here,” says Neil Finn, lead singer of Crowded House.

Key stakeholders in Sydney nightlife, including Alan Jones, Bill Moss, Jorn Utzon and UNESCO have been guaranteed no sound will escape from the compressed venue in a world-first staging for Sydney. Opera Bar will also be closed during summer as the city works to restore its reputation for world-class architecture, such as Crown Casino in Barangaroo.

Tickets for original performances will be valid at the new venue. Parking will also be validated at the venue.

This is (obviously) a piece of satire. The Crowded House shows are not being moved to the Opera House car park, however residents of the Toaster are trying to stop the Opera House hosting concerts outside.