This article discusses the topics of sexual harassment and assault.
I’ve worked at bars and spirits companies since 2016 and now run my own bar in Melbourne. I was naive to the state of the industry for a long time.
That changed in early 2021, when some mates put together an organisation called Protect Our Staff. They ran an anonymous survey to get data around cases of sexual assault and harassment in the hospitality industry, predominantly in Melbourne. All the information was held privately, but the group released some harrowing statistics that gave people the confidence to start talking to each other.
There was a bit of a reckoning: a few people were forced out of the community, and others ran before the same could happen to them. Yet the same people are mostly still in the industry. They just moved cities or shifted to lower-profile roles or businesses.
In 2022, on International Women’s Day, I attended a panel discussion where female leaders working in Melbourne hospitality shared their experiences. The room was packed. I was one of four cis men present.
This again was eye-opening. It was obviously a positive thing that they were sharing their stories and offering support. But I got frustrated that I hadn’t heard this stuff sooner. And sitting there, I realised that, as someone who had been complacent but was now actively trying to learn and do better, that men who don’t do this will never change. I also understood it’s not women’s responsibility to educate us.
The brand I worked for at the time was new to the Australian market. I had a lot of freedom to run events and engage the community. In 2022 I used this freedom and budget to hold How To Be a Better Ally, a series of panel discussions in Melbourne, Sydney and Adelaide.
Again, I was shocked. Jenna Hemsworth, an award-winning bartender and one of two women named in the Sydney Morning Herald’s Swillhouse exposé, spoke on one of the Sydney panels and told her story. It was one of many.
There was a positive response from the community, but in each session there were men present that had potentially assaulted or harassed a woman in the room. The amount of energy some of the women must have required just to be there is something I will probably never truly understand.
The problem with this series was: how many men are actively trying to do better? And how many men are masquerading as “allies”? These factors prevent women from sharing their stories with men, and keep men ignorant and complacent.
After those sessions, a few women felt comfortable enough to confide in me. I learnt that I had worked with perpetrators of harassment or assault I would have called friends, and if that was the case, probably more I didn’t know about. How can women trust us? Positive action is the only thing that will differentiate you from someone masquerading. Without action, words are purely a self-serving virtue signal.
When the allegations against Swillhouse came out last month, I wrote the following response on Instagram, about how men can make the industry a safer place for women. It’s reproduced here with the permission of Hemsworth and Rachelle “Rocky” Hair, the other woman named in the Sydney Morning Herald’s coverage. Both women said that male voices are needed here, if it’s followed up by action. At their request, Broadsheet has made a donation to Mixhaus.
Gut-wrenching stuff, but stories everyone’s heard before, and for each you’ve read this week, there are countless others that can’t be shared due to a lack of evidence, a lack of energy, a lack of support or fear of hamstringing their career (a truth due to others’ shortfalls). If this is the first time you’re hearing about this stuff and you're shocked, you’ve had your head in the sand.
It’s very hard to navigate this, know what to say or know where to start. What I do know is, if the women telling their stories have the capacity to fight for a better hospitality industry for everyone in it, then it’s everyone else’s responsibility to actively try and make change.
I’ve tried to be proactive in the past and give people a voice but have been scared to say what I think personally on a public platform. I think now though that’s not enough.
Firstly, I’d like to acknowledge that I come from a place of privilege, accordingly I don’t have full perspective. However, I am open to conversation, learning and feedback if something I’m saying here doesn’t sit right with you, happy to talk about it.
Thank you to those doing the emotional heavy lifting, for continuing to be brave and sharing your stories time and time again. I am sorry it’s taking so long to sort this out, I feel ashamed that it hasn’t happened yet, you must be tired, hurt and emotionally out of fuel. I have the utmost respect for those who are speaking up and fighting for change.
I also understand those that haven’t said anything or haven’t told their story are scared or don’t have energy to do so, and that’s okay, but if you’re on the fence and considering doing it, I reckon now is a pretty good time to do so.
Personally;
I’m scared of saying the wrong thing.
I’m scared of being called a “white knight”.
I’m scared of repercussions for my team.
I’m scared of risking potential brand work for myself.
I’m scared of saying something now and invalidating the fight by having someone call me out publicly for potentially affecting someone in the past and not being self-aware.
However, as a man, at this point saying something is literally the bare minimum for not being a prick. Listening is normal. Doing something is just being a good community member. Calling out your mates is being a good person.
I’m sick of working with people then to only find out there are women with stories about these men. Even when I think I’ve done due diligence.
I’m sick of seeing other people back their mates or take a “I haven’t seen that behaviour here, so no issues” stance and still acting like their venues are a safe space.
I’m sick of seeing people act surprised, these stories have been told before, Jenna has told her story before, she has been supremely let down repeatedly by the entire industry.
This is complicated, no one really just magically knows what to do. Good people work at venues with shit processes. However, accepting that and submitting to complacency perpetuates the cycle, we need to be pushing together to make proper change in a preventative capacity.
And so here we are at the pointy end, there’s no excuses anymore.
If we want a better industry, especially after letting it get this bad, we must now pay emotionally for it and put in some actual effort. But the cost to those not directly affected pales in comparison to women we all call friends that are directly affected.
Firstly, right now, directly to men:
It’s on men who have been complacent and cultivated cultures through laziness where people do horrible things to look internally, genuinely apologise and take action.
It’s on men who fuck up or have fucked up in a minor way to fix it as best they can. Say sorry and actually change. Keep in mind that there will be an emotional toll for the woman you’re apologising to. Ask permission before saying sorry, don’t make it about you, and be prepared to accept you’re not owed forgiveness or any time of day at all. If that’s the case, you tried, don’t let it happen again.
If what you’ve done is unfixable, own it, it’s on you to own the consequence no one else. By hiding and hoping, you’re twisting the knife you put there with actions you allegedly regret, you’re ruining a woman’s future in the industry, forcing her to relive the trauma every time you show up to work or an industry event. As a bonus for being a coward, you’re tarnishing your colleagues’ reputations and betraying friendships.
If you “just can’t”, please know it’s going to come out eventually, and it’s going to be so shitty for everyone you know. If you’re too much of a coward to face it, it’s weak, but you could always just disappear. Switch industries to something without alcohol, seek help and wait for the consequences.
If you think you’ve gotten better and have changed but haven’t owned up to your actions, then you’re lying to yourself. Prove you regret it, seek redemption and pay what’s due.
Secondly for prevention,
It’s on individuals to watch their own actions.
It’s on men to call out other men at the smallest red flag. It’s on men to make sure women feel safe enough in the industry to take immediate action when they are assaulted.
It’s on bar operators to set standards for themselves and venue, as well as expectations for their team. It’s on them to make sure contracts and in venue processes are sound and your team is trained. It’s on them to make sure that they have women in management and that staff feel comfortable going to them with any issues.
It’s on management to keep records, handle and or escalate incidents, induct and train staff properly.
It’s on front line staff to call bullshit out when they see it in their own bars and in other bars.
It’s on trade media, to ensure they are giving voices to and lifting the right people to be role models.
It’s on brands to make sure who they at aligning with isn’t a predator or the companies they work with don’t cultivate environments for them.
It’s on EVERYONE to do due diligence before hiring or working with any other party or individual. If everyone does, no one will slip through the cracks.
BUT right now, the consequence the industry is facing for “giving a fuck” not being common practice, has directly led to sexual assault and rape. The monumental weight of all of this, every little thing that we don’t keep in the front of our minds, the lack of action and ownership, all the industry’s responsibilities, literally rests on the shoulders of a few women who are telling their stories this past few weeks.
I am so sorry. It is so fucked. Time to step up.
Good men, can we please take some of this weight off our peers’ shoulders and share the load together? We step up, or they get assaulted. It’s that simple.
Final thoughts which I try to keep in the front of my mind that I think are worth sharing for men who might not know where to start.
• You come from a place of institutional privilege.
• Complacency will lead to harm.
• If you’re 100 per cent certain you’ve never made a young woman uncomfortable, you 100 per cent have.
• Your learnings in some cases are other people’s trauma.
• Who you are is defined by your actions, not your intentions.
• Respond, don’t react. If you respond you can apply intention. If you react or do nothing you cannot and it’s a waste of an opportunity for a conversation. You’ll make less mistakes.
• “Sorry” without action means absolutely nothing.
• It’s okay to cut people off, but it’s better to call them out.
• If you fuck up, don’t make your apology about you.
The pursuit of a safe industry to work for all should be everyone’s number one priority. If we all put a tenth of an effort into figuring out the answers as we do into something as fundamentally inconsequential as drinks, what could we get done?
If you’ve been the victim of sexual harassment in a hospitality workplace or witnessed an incident, read activist Jamie Bucirde’s advice on navigating the situation.
If you would like to speak with someone about an experience you have had, or would like more information, please call 1800Respect on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800respect.org.au.
You can also alert Broadsheet to misbehaviour of any kind in the hospitality industry via report@broadsheet.com.au. We cannot act on specific tips, but your valuable information may inform future coverage.
