1. Singlets
Don't wear a tank top under your shirt. At best you might look like a Soprano but, more likely, you will look like a paedophile with perspiration issues.

2. Slide Sandals
A word of warning for all those Antonio Banderas wannabes: he is not cool and neither are leather slides. They are ugly, impractical and they make you sound like a Clydesdale whilst you’re creeping about livin la vida loca. Opt instead for a simple pair of thongs or espadrilles.

3. Crocs
The only thing more offensive than slides are Crocs and their winter co-offender Birkenstocks. They have a bizarre cult-like following, with parents roping their children in before they have a chance to know better. I swear Croc users meet up on Sundays to talk about creationism and the evils of modern medicine.

4. Cologne
Unless you enjoy smelling like the inside of a hooker’s handbag then avoid succumbing to the popular belief that because the sun is shining and the weather is pleasant you have to quadruple your dose of cologne. If you are worried about BO then use a strong antiperspirant (no hippy crystal crap) coupled with a few sprays of your favourite scent.

5. Board shorts
In the instance where all men unanimously aspire to appear tall and athletic, why some regularly commit such faux pas as wearing long, baggy board shorts has always puzzled me. I’d assumed it was to do with Death Row Records style hip-hop culture, until a friend recently told me that it has to do with surfers not wanting to scratch their knees. So unless you’re indulging in a pursuit with a high risk of knee scratching then try a pair of short, above-the-knee swimming trunks. Not Speedos, though; they are creepy and people can see your penis.

6. Good loafers
Good loafers are simple yet particularly hard-to-find items on home shores. Thank god for the internet. Tods or Car Shoes are a good starting point as they are comfortable, timeless and not too slick. Avoid going too long or pointy as a good loafer should be equally at home when coupled with a casual suit, trousers or shorts. And please don't wear socks with your loafers. Try the sockless option or, if you are a sufferer of sweaty, smelly feet, use low, out-of-site, sockettes. American Apparel do a nice pair.

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7. Short-sleeved shirts
Uniquely inelegant and unnecessary considering the utter perfection of the alternative: the formal shirt with casually rolled-up sleeves. The juxtaposition of the soft crumple of the rolled sleeve with the crisp pressed front and collar whispers of the reckless but debonair men who seem to only exist in spy films and novels about the colonies.

8. Jacket
If you don’t wear a jacket in summer then my question to you is: why not? Jackets are wonderful. They give you pockets to put things in, hide your sweat patches and look smart and professional. They also give you a waist, something you are tragically denying yourself with your big square shorts and your big square, short-sleeved shirt. Wear a jacket in a lightweight wool, cotton or linen made with very little or even no lining and larger armholes for an unimaginably cool, smart summer option.